When Harry Met Abby
by alcimines
Summary: Dinosaur skeletons are rare and valuable. Abby (NCIS) will have none of Harry's (The Dresden Files) Tyrannosaurus-riding shenanigans.


_Author's Note: This was a response to a comment-fic request, which was: The Dresden Files/NCIS, Harry+Abby, 'What's it like to ride a dinosaur?'. Obviously, it's not intended to be taken too seriously._

WHEN HARRY MET ABBY

I was lying flat on my back in an alleyway. My body was twitching uncontrollably.

Everything hurt. Everything.

Stars and stones - who the hell was this girl? I didn't recognize her. She was dressed like... like... okay, I'm not sure what the heck she was supposed to be dressed like. Maybe some kind of Goth-Anime Mad-Scientist? She was cute as a button, but she had scarily determined eyes. And she had a taser. The nerves on fire throughout my entire body knew that she had a taser. And she obviously wasn't scared to use it.

"Don't move!" she yelled.

"Could. You. Have. Said. That. Before. You. Tased. Me?" I gasped.

You know, I have a problem with technology. When I'm around it tends to break down in unpredictable and messy ways. But apparently a freaking taser is just low-tech enough not to be effected. As soon as I felt better, I was going to buy one.

Then the Mad-Scientist girl flashed a badge at me. "NCIS!" she yelled.

I thought about telling her that normal police procedure was to show a badge and perhaps say a word or two before you tased someone. However, I really wasn't completely sure if she was a cop.

"What. The. Hell. Is. NCIS?"

She blinked. Then she said, "Naval Criminal Investigative Service."

"Huh?" I grunted. She looked disgusted. I cringed. Hopefully, she wouldn't express her unhappiness with her taser.

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service," she repeated slowly, clearly saying each word.

"Why. Is. The. Navy. Mad. At. Me?"

"I'm conducting an investigation into a Federal crime!" she announced. "A theft! Your theft! You stole a dinosaur!"

"I... I didn't keep it..." Good news. I was getting control of my body again.

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you feeling better?"

"Y... Uh, no! No! I feel terrible!"

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Dammit.

* * *

I was still in the alley. And I was still twitching. I could hear an older man's voice. He was talking to the taser-girl.

"Abby, stop tasing him!"

I loved that guy. He was a tremendous human being. I almost wept in appreciation of his sheer wonderfulness.

"We have to be careful with him," the Goth Mad-Scientist - Abby, I guess - said tensely.

The older guy sighed. "If you're any more careful with him, you'll end up in prison yourself."

"Gibbs! He's a wizard!"

There was a long pause. "Abby..." Gibbs said slowly, "did you just say this guy is wizard?"

"Yes!"

"Could I say something?" I asked hesitantly.

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

* * *

I was sitting down with my back up against a wall. My eyes were having a hard time focusing, but I could blearily see the guy who had his hands on my shoulders. I got the impression of a tough and honest face and eyes that had seen too much, yet had kept the part of him that mattered most intact...

"Michael?" I asked hazily.

The guy holding me shook his head, "My name is Gibbs. Agent Gibbs. I'm with NCIS."

"Where's Abby?" I asked nervously.

"It's okay. I've revoked her taser privileges," Gibbs said dryly.

It's hard to describe the feeling of relief that flooded through me. It was at the "I've-been-mouthy-to-Mab-but-she's-decided-not-to-kill-me" level of relief.

"My name's Dresden," I said. My voice sounded oddly shaky in my ears. "I'm a private investigator,"

"And a wizard!" Abby screeched. Gibbs shot a stone-like look towards the voice. Abby went silent.

"Abby seems to think you stole a dinosaur," said Gibbs slowly.

"I borrowed a dinosaur. I did not steal it."

"See!" Abby said excitedly.

My vision was clearing. Gibbs had the look on his face of a man who was pretty sure he was the only sane person in a three-way conversation.

* * *

We were sitting in a diner that was a couple of blocks from the alley where Abby had jumped me.

"Stealing a dinosaur is a Federal crime?" I said doubtfully. There was a cup of coffee in front of me. I was kind of scared to pick it up. I wasn't sure if I could hold it steady and I didn't want to end up with a lap-full of hot coffee.

Gibbs shrugged. "Abby says so." I got the impression those three words meant a great deal in his book.

I glanced at Abby. "That would be the crazy girl with the taser who keeps saying I'm a wizard? Right?"

"Hey!" Abby snapped.

Gibbs shut her down with a glance. Abby apparently thought a lot of Gibbs.

"I checked with CPD," Gibbs said. "Some of the people I've talked to say you're a wizard. Some of them say you're a con-artist who somehow got to a Lieutenant named Murphy. And some of them say they aren't exactly sure what you are, but you do have a record for helping the local LEOs clear cases."

I checked my hands. They were still unsteady, but improving.

"So what do you think I am, Agent Gibbs?" I asked, looking Gibbs in the eye as I spoke. As I talked, I dabbled a finger in some spilled coffee and traced a small circle on the tabletop.

Abby calmly leaned over and ran her finger through the circle I'd just created. I shot her a dirty look.

"Do that again and I use my backup taser," she warned.

"Both of you cut it out," Gibbs warned us.

* * *

My rights, such as they were, had been seriously violated by Abby. On the other hand, thanks to some incredibly obscure Federal laws about scientific specimens and the international black market in dinosaur skeletons - yes, there apparently is such a thing and you better believe it was now near the top of my list of things to check on - I had indeed broken a few Federal laws when I borrowed Sue.

So we made a deal. I didn't file a complaint against Abby. They let my act of Grand Theft Dinosaur go unpunished.

Gibbs made us shake hands on it. He left only after extracting a promise from both of us that we wouldn't get violent.

"How the hell do you know about me?" I asked Abby plaintively.

"Well, you are in the phone book under 'Wizards'," Abby said. Her tone of voice suggested that she thought I had asked a dumb question. "Also, there's the internet."

I gave her a blank stare. "I don't do the internet."

She sighed, "The Paranet? The online organization you founded? It's supposed to help low-level magical practitioners? "

"How do you know the Paranet isn't just a bunch of crazies?"

Abby hesitated. Then she concentrated on the table we were sitting at, while tracing her fingers around its edges. Suddenly, every fingerprint and stain on the table became visible and began to glow.

Abby studied the display. "Three people besides us have sat here since the last time the table was cleaned. They were two boys and an older woman - a mother and her sons, I would guess. They had a hot turkey sandwich, a bowl of chicken soup, and a hamburger... uh, make that a cheeseburger. With extra pickles."

Oh.

A scryer. I supposed that's pretty handy if you work in forensics.

"And everyone on the Paranet keeps talking about what you did with Sue," Abby pointed out.

Then Abby's face got very stern. "Scientific specimens are not a toy, Mr. Dresden. Sue is very old and very important and you just can't take her out on a joy-ride!"

"I was saving the world!" I said a little too loudly.

Some heads in the diner turned in our direction.

Abby rolled her eyes, "Right. Saving the world."

Sometimes, the nature of my job just plain sucks.

"Fine," I said. I tossed a dollar bill and some change onto the table to pay for my coffee and then painfully got to my feet.

"Harry..." Abby said before I got more than a few steps away.

I couldn't help myself. I looked over my shoulder at her.

"What's it like to ride a dinosaur?" she asked quietly. And suddenly she wasn't just another crazy Federal forensic scientist-wizard with a taser. She looked more like a little girl who had been told she wouldn't be allowed to open her Christmas presents until tomorrow.

You know, I just can't seem to abandon a woman in need. I sat back down.

"It was like this..." I began.

Abby leaned forward eagerly as I told her the story. Her eyes seemed to sparkle with wonder.


End file.
